Summer Wine Brewery Teleporter / Ten Malt Porter / 5.0% / £3.40 pint
I drink dark beers because dark beers are how I feel. Not really, they’re just good aren’t they. Summer Wine makes me feel good. The brewery in the tune of the song. Definitely not in the tune of Summer Wine the programme. The longest running sitcom (is it a sitcom?) of all time, Last of the Summer Wine was on our screens (not mine) for 68 years. All respect aside, what a total dirge pit of Sunday depresscore entertainment. Summer Wine, the brewery, are from the place where they film Last of the Summer Wine, Holmfirth, so that’s why they’re called that. It’s almost enough to put you (me) off but guess what, I can get past that when the beers are this good.
Summer Wine are an ever-present at Common and The Beagle. Insiders, and the eagle-eyed, will know that both bars respective house pales are in fact Summer Wine’s excellent Pacer 4.1% session IPA. Summer Wine’s beers, for me personally, are always solid, nay, top quality beers. I can, will, and have drink(ed) anything by Summer Wine and I’ll vouch for them in advance of tasting. Review over then, this was probably class.
Teleporter has been knocking about for a few years and with good reason, it’s staunch. If you fancy a dark beer and you spy Teleporter on the boards you’d be a muggins not to point at it and say, “I WANT THAT ONE”. The malts, they are roasted and plentiful. You’d be a bit disappointed if not, this is a TEN MALT porter after all. Can I taste all ten malts? Are you mad. I don’t know ten malts. Could you imagine if you couldn’t taste malt? Ha ha. That’d be rich. This beer is rich but it’s oh so moreish. At times it puts one in mind of a delicious pint of Mars Drink. It’s chocolately that’s for certain, there’s coffee to boot too - so far, so standard porter/stout fare. At least on paper. But then beer isn’t played on paper. Beer is played in a glass unto the mouth. That’s the kicker. It’s just a classic of its type, there I said it. So sue me. It’s a classic! Teleporter is a classic! Imagine if you went to the bar and your mate just asked “for a pint of something dark” and you came back with a Teleporter. That is a situation that will never ever go wrong and if it does then your friend is an idiot.
Turns out, unsurprisingly, that Teleporter is class. I’d having it pouring out of my bath taps at home if I could. I’d go swimming in it. I’d flood my house with it. Heck, I’d even drink it. Dark beer fans assemble, there’s a new old standard in town and it’s tasting fabulous. Keep on doing it, Summer Wine (not the programme).
